I adore my younger sister. She is vibrant, beautiful, funny. My best friend in all the ways that matter. I can honestly say I have never felt even the tiniest bit of sibling rivalry towards her. It helps that she is five years younger than me. Growing up, we were always in very different worlds: different schools, different friends, different stages. It’s difficult to feel any of the traditional emotions that cause discourse between sisters, when there is never anything to feel competitive about.
I don’t like junk food. She adores junk food. I have children. Therefore, they adore her. When I go over the equation in my head, I’m taken back to tenth grade geometry, working all the different ways the calculation could be reordered, but the solution is always the same. I find it difficult to say no when she indulges them.
After he went to the State Fair this year, my son asked me at least once a day for three weeks if we could make Deep Fried Oreos. I said “No” at least once a day for three weeks and had a different excuse each time. One of the excuses I carelessly used was: I don’t know how to make them. Wrong answer. Mistake. Dammit, how could I be so careless?! My son is internet savvy, he can Google video game cheat codes and the most entertaining YouTube videos like a champ. I would have to find a reason to ground him from the Internet until he got the disgusting idea out of his head.
He didn’t Google it. Worse. He called his aunt.
Of course she gave him the recipe for the Deep Fried Oreos. She gave him the easy no-fuss recipe. I could have strangled her.
He asked me to make them every day for another week before I finally gave in.
Deep Fried Oreos
Oreos or some generic equivalent (they taste EXACTLY the same)
Pancake batter (it doesn’t even matter as long as it isn’t pre-mixed with some weird dehydrated fruit)
Cooking oil (don’t use Olive oil, Sunflower oil, Peanut oil or any other healthy option. At this point you are deep frying cookies and you are beyond hope)
Powdered Sugar (For some weird reason I have two full bags of powdered sugar in my pantry. My guess is they are left over from last year when my sister came to live with us for a few months. She bakes gooey junk all the time. I love it too, but don’t tell her or she might stop doing it. I’m pretty sure a big part of the appeal is how much I pretend it pisses me off. I said I adore her; I didn’t say she adored me.)
1) Throw Oreos in the freezer for at least an hour. I’m not sure why, my guess is to make them hard enough that the creme in the middle doesn’t completely dissolve when you throw it in the hot oil. Again, if you are frying cookies, the last thing you are worried about is whether or not the creme will melt, but for the sake of presentation I suppose it matters that there isn’t sticky burnt white sugary ish oozing everywhere.
2) Prepare pancake batter according to instructions. Depending on the batter, this means add milk, water, or an egg. When I make pancakes I add a little lemon juice. I don’t know why, I think I read somewhere it makes pancakes tastier. I hardly ever make them, so I don’t know if it makes a difference or not. At this point I do it for the same reason I use fabric softener: I just always have.
3) Take Oreos out of freezer. While you’re at it, have a bowl of ice cream. File the act under the category: why the hell not.
4) Coat the Oreos in batter one or two or three at a time depending on how big the bowl of batter is. Using a spoon or tongs is best. I said tongs not thongs.
5) I forgot to say preheat some cooking oil (enough to drown a small tiny action figure) in a small frying pan to medium or whatever temperature you use to deep fry stuff. If you didn’t pre-read this recipe, then put the Oreos back in the freezer. And get another scoop of ice cream.
6) If you drop a tiny bit of batter into the oil and it sizzles and fluffs it up, then it’s hot enough. Bring it down a notch to make sure it doesn’t burn the batter covered Oreo to a blackened crisp. By now you’ve worked up some anticipation and the only thing worse than eating them will be wanting to eat them but not being able to because you burnt the hell out of them.
7) Using tongs, drop two or three into the oil. Be careful not to shake off any excess batter. It will take just a few minutes for them to start frying into a golden ball of supposed loveliness. I didn’t use enough oil to completely cover mine so I had to wait until they looked cooked enough for me to turn them without ripping their backsides off. I hate it when that happens. It happens every time I fry fish and I end up having to make some sort of sauce or topping to cover up the fact that I was hungry and impatient and turned it over before it was ready. I call that recipe Naked Ass fish. Turn the Oreos over.
8) When the Oreos are a golden color, they are ready to take out. I have had them at the State Fair before, and I actually have never eaten one without it burning my mouth. Usually it is cold during the fair so I don’t mind the hot steaming oil or the “Haah haah haah” coming out of my “O” shaped mouth as I fan the steam frantically off my tongue. Let these sit on a paper towel for a few minutes. It will soak up any excess oil and save you from looking like a moron in your own home.
9) Sprinkle lightly with powdered sugar and enjoy.
We made about a bunch of them, gave a plate to my neighbor who randomly makes me happy with goodies from her kitchen, and I let the kids have four each. I had five.
They were warm, decadent and the perfect end to a very long week. My sister is perfect, even when she indulges.
Oh…if you let your kid help, he will forget that you gave him such a hard time about making them, that you unfairly grounded him from the Internet, and that your junk food loving sister is the best aunt in the world. You may even be able to brainwash him into believing that it was your idea.
(Note: sharing recipe inspired by the hugely entertaining ctkingston: http://ctkingston.com/how-to-cook-corn-chick-style/)