Full House

When I was a kid my mom would drive us to school in the mornings and sometimes, when the weather was bad or we were running late, or just because she felt like it — my mom would pick up kids on the way. She just has this way about her — quirky and funny and just a general “It takes a village to raise a child” attitude in general. There isn’t a time in my childhood that I don’t remember my parents always taking in other kids or people in our home.

I thought of her yesterday when I packed nine kids into my minivan and took them on a field trip to Seattle. We don’t live too far from the city, but taking 9 kids anywhere can be stressful. Funny thing is — I didn’t feel stressed at all. We went to the Seattle Art Museum (which is free for kids under 12 and free for everyone on the first Thursday of every month!) and wandered around Pike Place. Just the experience of walking around downtown can be exciting for my littlest ones so it was fun to take in all the sights and smells.

Then we came back home and eventually they were picked up, one by one. Dead tired on the couch — my heart was so happy listening to all of them in the house together.

I had a great time and I *think* the kids did too. Funny thing about chaos — once you are pretty accustomed to managing it — life can be lots of fun.

Scars Are Where the Light Comes In

I have such mixed feelings about this — but I wanted to share anyway.  It tugs at my heart a bit that my kid processes his experience this way — but I’m so proud that he’s not afraid to share it.

About a month ago my son’s leadership class was asked to share an experience with the school that they felt had a major impact on their life.  Here’s his presentation at the student assembly:

“Many people have scars in their life that make their life change, My life changed about 5 years ago before i moved to Washington. Five years ago mom was diagnosed with pigmented villondular synovits, a joint disease that affects the lining in her knee and had developed a tumor.  After she had it removed, she was pregnant with my little sister.  She went into heart failure when she gave birth to her.  She also has a mitral valve stenosis — a heart disease she was diagnosed with when she had me thirteen years ago.  One of her valves is severely scarred and doesn’t function properly.  Three years later she was diagnosed with lupus — a degenerative  autoimmune disease that affects her joints and skin.  After getting very sick, it was difficult for her to work at a regular job and she just decided to be a stay at home mom.

Eventually, my stepdad found a better paying job — so we moved to Washington from North Carolina.  All the events leading up to the move have been very difficult and my mother and stepfather have had to make some really hard choices.  During it all though, we have become a really close family.  My mother has time now to take better care of her health and us.  She even brought my two cousins to Washington with us so that they could have a better life too.

My moms illness, moving to Washington, leaving my friends and my grandparents, and my father behind in North Carolina has made a big impact in my life.  I would consider these the things that have scarred me — but also made me into a strong person.  My mom says her physical scars — on her leg where they took out the tumor, and on her heart where she had surgery — are where the light comes in.  Now that we are all happy and healthy and in a place where we belong, I think the same thing about the scars these experiences have left on me.”

Phew. That’s my kid alright.

Vanity

2007 - 2011

Beauty bloggers: how do you do it? Every hair in place, juicy lips, perfectly shaped eyebrows. Bright eyes. Shiny smiles. If there’s a flaw in your skin — I can’t find it.

On Friday night, I was so tired I fell asleep in the clothes I had worn all day. I didn’t wash my face, I didn’t brush my teeth, I forgot to take my meds. I took my Plaquenil at lunch on Saturday — 12 hours after I normally do. I was scared to take a second dose that night, so took it early Sunday morning. Sunday night — back on track. But I could already see and feel the consequences creeping up on me.

My eyelids were itchy and my cheeks were red. When I put moisturizer on my face, my skin burned. My arms were too heavy to brush my hair. I could feel my body moving in slow motion. Even washing my face was a chore.

The last time lupus took over my face, it ate part of my left eyebrow, I’m not certain if it will ever grow back. It left dark scars around my eyelids. I have permanent charcoal like smudges under my eyes. Sometimes, in pictures I look like the uncle on the Addams family. No amount of sleep will make the dark circles around my eyes go away. I’ve tried all types of concealers, vitamin E oil, dark spot corrector — I’m going to try a professional makeup called Dermablend next. Professional as in thick — caked on — take your time to apply — for actresses and models — makeup. I didn’t start wearing make up until I was 21 — I have NO idea what I’m doing. NONE.

My rosy cheeks remind me that I have to be diligent in my care. Lupus is waiting for me to let my guard down, to forget to take my meds, to not take my vitamins, to wear myself down, to not get enough sleep. Lupus is waiting to take more of me.

I’m thankful — I’m absolutely one of the lucky ones. So far, it’s just my skin and my joints. Severe fatigue and rash. I can deal with it. But occasionally, when I catch a glance of myself in the mirror or see a photo of myself pre-lupus — I can’t help but be a little sad and indulge in my own brand of vanity.